Motorway Mary

This bit of divinity comes to us courtesy of the BBC website from our friends across the pond. While many of the English seem to be apathetic about God, their idea to have church and state intertwined is certainly one we can learn from.

'Virgin Mary' on US motorway wall



The Holy Mother appeared two years ago on the wall of an underpass. Some call it a miracle; others call it "just a concrete wall and an image that could happen anywhere". It has been suggested to Your Humble Blogmistress that the stain is vaguely vaginal in appearance. At first, this seemed offensive, but then let us remember the only thing to be in the vicinity of that aspect of Mary's anatomy was none other than our very own Lord and Savior! So, rejoice, my friends! Even when our own sinning minds would associate a miraculous image with something so naturally repulsive, God guides us back to His holy path.

Purely yours,
Your Humble Blogmistress

The Virgin in the Freezer

Don't be concerned by the title of this post, gentle readers. Indeed, it is a blessing, a blessing upon a Texas grocery store -- further evidence that Texas is God's favorite state! The Blessed Virgin has chosen to appear to us, in a most pristine icy form:



Now, I know there are dissenters who would say that this is a mere stalagmite, formed by the dripping and re-freezing water just like a stalagmite is formed by mineral-rich dripping water in caves, but they are pawns of Satan and you must not believe their lies! They probably think that we descended from some ugly cave-people, too, and we know that's just not true.

Not only does the sleek, dildo-like image of the Virgin grace the freezer so inspiringly, but she also makes tumors disappear, as proven by the testimony of one Stephanie Santos. Click the link below to be amazed with video goodness!

Courtesy of CBS 5

Shivering in awe,
Your Humble Blogmistress

The Tortilla

... where it all began, part II.



This was one of the first times that Jesus chose to reveal His Holy Self to us, here seen in sharp profile on this tortilla, crown of thorns and all.

According to Roadside America, the tortilla has since faded, and has been exiled to a drawer after being dropped by some irresponsible child. Pray for her, gentle readers, for she is obviously hellbound after having committed such a crime against Our Lord and Savior.

Yeah, I know this is old news. Up next: the Virgin on Ice.

Hungrily yours,
Your Humble Blogmistress

The Eagle Nebula

Does anyone else follow NASA's Astronomy Picture of the Day? If so, you've probably seen some pretty nifty images. I'm always happy when they post a photo of a nebula; they're just magnificent. Some of them have a funky shape, like the Heart Nebula and the Witch Head Nebula. And if you're into astronomy, chances are you've seen a picture of the Eagle Nebula. The following is one of the most frequently circulated photos, a part of the nebula called the Pillars of Creation:



EDIT: just noticed Blogger cuts off the image, so here's a link to the whole thing.

Beautiful, right? I've seen this photo many times, but didn't realize until tonight that a certain messiah is hiding in one of those big columns of hydrogen and dust. What a sneaky guy! I love this, it's just like Where's Waldo or Hidden Pictures.

Give up? Here's the answer, you lazy bum. Get some glasses.



It seems so obvious now, doesn't it? The photo was posted on this page by a guy who works at a college or something, so clearly he knows what he's talking about. It really is the most important picture you will ever see! Follow the links he provides for even more.

The page linked above was discovered via Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy (Bad? Clearly he's a Jesus-hater) and also proves that Vladimir Lenin will try to kill you in your shower (commie bastard).

I really love the name Vladimir... almost as much as I love nebulae.

Live long and prosper,
Your Humble Blogmistress

The Shroud of Turin

... where it all began.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Hey, wasn't Turin that guy in that Tolkien book who banged his sister and had a talking sword?" And the answer is... no. That guy had an accent on the "u" in his name. Clearly a different thing altogether.

So I want to get on to the good stuff ASAP, but I couldn't do it in good conscience without starting off with the Mother of All Holy Sightings. As we know, everything on Wikipedia is absolute, indisputable truth, and so I quote:



The Shroud of Turin (or Turin Shroud) is an ancient linen cloth bearing the image of a man who appears to have been physically traumatized in a manner consistent with crucifixion. It is presently kept in the royal chapel of the Cathedral of Saint John the Baptist in Turin, Italy. Some believe it is the cloth that covered Jesus of Nazareth when he was placed in his tomb and that his image was somehow recorded on its fibers at or near the time of his proclaimed resurrection. Skeptics contend the shroud is a medieval hoax or forgery — or even a devotional work of artistic verisimilitude. It is the subject of intense debate among some scientists, believers, historians and writers, regarding where, when and how the shroud and its images were created.

Arguments and evidence cited against a miraculous origin of the shroud images include a letter from a medieval bishop to the Avignon pope claiming personal knowledge that the image was cleverly painted to gain money from pilgrims; radiocarbon tests in 1988 that yielded a medieval timeframe for the cloth's fabrication; and analysis of the image by microscopist Walter McCrone, who concluded ordinary pigments were used.

Arguments and evidence cited for the shroud being something other than a medieval forgery include textile and material analysis pointing to a 1st-century origin; the unusual properties of the image itself which some claim could not have been produced by any image forming technique known before the 19th century; objective indications that the 1988 radiocarbon dating was invalid due to erroneous sampling; and repeated peer-reviewed analyses of the image mode which strongly contradict McCrone's assertions.

The first photograph taken of the Shroud:




Photograph of the face, and its negative:



Read more here: Shroud of Turn at Wikipedia.

Happily shroud-less,
Your Humble Blogmistress

Introductory Post

Good evening, gentle readers, and welcome to Where's Jesus?, also known as Where Is Your Messiah Now? Bookmark it! Jesus could turn up at any time! He's a crafty one. There will also be a fair amount of Mama Mary, as Your Humble Blogmistress has learned that she likes to make public appearances as well. It's nice to know that she's more than a divine babymaker, isn't it?

Now, a little bit about how this is going to work: I'm doing some searching around Teh Intarwebz for any examples I can find. I'll also be keeping an eye out on Fark.com because that site owns, and a sighting tends to pop up every couple of weeks. Even though I have already found a whole bunch, each will be put in a separate post so the archives will be more organized.

If you find an account of a Jesus or Mary sighting, please link it to me in a comment! Help us grow! I guess if you find a Zeus sighting or something, that miiiight be okay, but let's stick to Sons of God and divine babymakers their Blessed Mommies as much as possible, 'kay?

Over and out,
Your Humble Blogmistress